Some days I get easily frustrated. Okay, a lot of days. I don't understand why he dumped the dog's water bowl out AGAIN after I just asked him forty times not to do that. I don't get why he stands on the furniture when I've warned him he's going to hurt himself. I don't know why he won't eat any of the five foods I just made for him when yesterday he loved them all. I can't comprehend why he makes me chase him down every time I need to dress him. I haven't a clue why he screams bloody murder when his favorite song or show ends.
All I know is 9 times out of 10, I'm counting down the minutes til bedtime through all this madness that is known as everyday life with a toddler.
Yesterday evening was one of those times. We went out to dinner for my birthday. Noah was a bit on the tired side and not digging the whole idea of sitting down to enjoy a meal with his family. We took turns passing him around the table, trying to appease him with crayons, food, drink, straws, cell phones - whatever would occupy his little mind so we could quickly finish our meal.
Afterwards, we visited my parents house...which includes their cat. A cat that Noah is currently obsessed with. He must have convinced my Mom 30 times to take him back to her bedroom to see the cat. When it was time to leave, one of his tantrums ensued. He didn't want to leave and he most definitely did not want to be put in his car seat. Destination: meltdown city.
He calmed down during the car ride and we arrived back at home. He needed bathed, dishes needed to be washed, he needed a snack. But it was late, I was tired, and he was beyond cranky. I managed to do the dishes and we fed him a snack and decided to skip the bath to maintain our sanity. He was so tired, certainly he'd be asleep soon and I could enjoy some quiet time to myself.
Nope, not today, Mama.
He tossed, turned, stood, played for over an hour in bed before finally crashing after 10:30pm. I jokingly tell people I feel like I've been through WWIII by the time I go to sleep, but it's actually true. And I'm sure I'm not the only parent who feels that way.
But then you see something, like I did today, that makes you cry out to God and beg for his forgiveness. You apologize for every complaint you've grumbled, every ounce of patience you've lost, every pre-parent-life memory you've fantasized about....
This photo specifically (and this blog post) is one I'll never forget. It sank my heart like nothing else ever has.
After a quick search, I found out this woman's name is Joey, and she was part of a country singing duo with her husband. She was stricken with cervical cancer and is living out what could be her last days just like you see in this picture. It simply does not get more beautiful and heartbreaking than this.
How can I ever complain about the trials of motherhood again? The things I complain about on a daily basis are things this woman, like many others in her position, would give anything to have back.
This picture and this story stopped me in my tracks and caused me to cry out a short, but very heartfelt and honest prayer to God. The words came straight to my lips and the tears to my eyes....
"Lord, cleanse me of my selfishness. Change my outlook. Help me to see these challenges as privileges. I won't ever get these moments back. Please help me embrace these days and help me to be a more grateful mother."
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