I can't believe we have made it through over half a year. It's been a rough, but interesting road. As I think back over the past 7 months (and I feel like the new baby fog is finally lifting) I recall some of the advice I received and things I read that just weren't true, at least not in my world...Sleep when the baby sleeps. Yeah, that sounds fab, but when the dishes are piled up, bottles need washed, clothes need washed, you need a shower, you need to eat, your husband needs to eat, groceries need bought, oh and you have a full-time paid job, too (the list goes on and on....) sleeping is generally not an option whether the baby is napping or not.
Unfortunately life doesn't stop when a baby comes. Your responsibilities triple. The first few months consider yourself lucky to sleep. Even if you have tons of help (which I did) you will feel guilty about catching Z's while others tend to your child.
Formula-fed babies are always sick (and not as smart). I beg to differ. Noah has been formula-fed since day one and has not been sick once and has hit all of his milestones right on time or ahead of schedule. I hate the formula stigma. If you don't want to, or can't breastfeed - IT'S OKAY! Your baby can still thrive. Don't beat yourself up. It's just not that serious.
Get them on a schedule. Hey, I'm all about routine. In fact, I live and breathe repetition. But the truth is, during those first several months, you do what you need to do to survive and keep your sanity. I'd like to say Noah has a consistent bed time, but we just go with the flow. Some nights it's 8:30, and other nights it's 10. And as far as feeding goes, after the newborn stage, consistency is out the window. Save your meltdowns for when you have a real problem, not an unpredictable schedule. If there is one thing I've learned, it's that babies are rarely predictable.
At one point my husband finally said to me, "Do you eat at the exact same time every day? Or do you eat the exact same amounts every day?".
"Well, no, I don't. But, the books say..."
Forget the books. Do what keeps your baby satisfied and healthy.
A more recent example... Just yesterday I found myself reading a chart that said a 7-month-old child should be eating solids twice a day, up to 4 tablespoons each time. Noah eats solids 4-5 times a day, sometimes two containers at a time (7 oz.). He's not overweight, he's not underweight, and he's happy. So I see no reason to restrict him based on a Pinterest chart.
Get out of the house. Have a date night with your husband. Go out with your friends for some shopping. Right. I barely found time to brush my teeth. Being a functioning member of society and a social butterfly still isn't feasible most days. (Sorry to my friends and family who think I've dropped off the earth. I am hoping life as I knew it somewhat resumes in the next year....or five.)
Enjoy every moment. Do you love being pooped on? How about scrubbing pee from the walls and floor? Or what about baby puke - doesn't it smell terrific? You cannot and will not enjoy EVERY minute and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. I've felt more guilt in these 7 months than ever before in my life just because of what I thought I should be feeling and doing - according to what I've been told to feel and do. It's okay to cry. It's normal to feel frustration. Not every day will be happy and amazing and you won't always love it.
Get the baby sleeping in their crib ASAP. I agree and disagree with this one. If it works for your baby then by all means, do it! But if your baby has reflux issues like mine, it's not always the best choice. If Noah was laid flat, he would spit up everywhere, choke on it, and give me a panic attack. He had to be at a pretty significant incline (in a Rock 'n Play) to be comfortable and to sleep all night. I can't stress it enough. Do what helps you and your baby get sleep at night.
Labor and delivery is the hardest part. No, not the case for everyone. What they don't warn you about is post-partum. The physical pain after the meds wear off, the insane amounts of blood, the ever-so-slow healing process. No one ever told me I could feel like death when my milk came in. Add to all that the stress of having a new baby, the hormone drop and emotion rollercoaster, the lack of sleep, and the depression.
Childbirth was a breeze for me. While I was pregnant I lost many nights of sleep worried about labor and delivery when I should have been mentally preparing for the torture that was post-partum.
Say bye-bye to maternity clothes. I had this idea in my head that my maternity clothes would get thrown in a bag as soon as the baby was born. HAHA! As a matter of fact, I'm wearing maternity leggings as I type this! I gained about 30 lbs. during pregnancy, and I lost 20 of that by the time I left the hospital. But none of my clothes fit right or looked right for a long time afterwards. And some still don't. Your body is never the same again. I weigh less now than I did before I got pregnant and there are still some things in my closet I'll never wear again.
As soon as your baby is older, you WILL want another one. I still hear this all the time and it's my biggest pet peeve. The truth is, you don't know what a woman has gone through during pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood. As much as I love my child and as much joy as he has brought, there were also many dark days that I do not ever want to experience again. Some women have difficult and scary pregnancies. Some have traumatic births. And many times, those women do not want to re-live it...for their sake and their child's.
So I guess this is my advice on the advice you'll get as a new mom. Just do what works. I hate that women like me waste their time and so much energy trying to do what they've been told is right. There is no right when it comes to mommyhood. It's what feels and works best for your family!
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